A Disciple's Journal: In the Company of Swami Ashokananda Read online

  Praise for A Disciple’s Journal

  “This new book by Sister Gargi is the ideal companion to her notable biography of Swami Ashokananda. Its heartfelt firsthand accounts that pass the impact he had on her on to the lives of her readers. Sister Gargi is to be thanked for another important entry in the archives of world spirituality.”

  —Huston Smith,

  author of The World’s Religions and

  Why Religion Matters

  “This new volume presents an important supplement to Burke’s biography of Ashokananda, A Heart Poured Out, and a touching, well-written portrait of the interaction of one student with the guru who changed her life.”

  —Library Journal

  “Sister Gargi’s inner development, the highs and lows of the path she followed, and the rewards of patient dedication are all contained in this thoughtful and uplifting account.”

  —Midwest Book Review

  “A Disciple’s Journal is so interesting that I finished the whole book in four days. Really wonderful! It will be very useful as a guide for us and the devotees.”

  —Swami Swahananda,

  the late minister of the Vedanta Society

  of Southern California

  “Sister Gargi shares the intimate, little known and less understood workings of a Guru with his disciple. What is at stake is the transformation of the person, the spiritualization of everyday life.”

  —Light of Consciousness

  “With her keen ear and memory for nuanced detail, Sister Gargi captures the livingness of the experience of being in the company of Swami Ashokananda.”

  —American Vedantist

  Praise for A Heart Poured Out

  “Soul-stirring . . . reveals the Swami’s extraordinary stature.”

  —Huston Smith

  “Compelling remembrance of a saintly life.”

  —Library Journal

  “Rapturously written . . . highly recommended.”

  —Midwest Book Review

  “Exhaustive yet engaging . . . well worth the wait.”

  —Yoga Journal

  “Sister Gargi has inspired thousands with her writings.”

  —Light of Consciousness

  Also by

  Sister Gargi (Marie Louise Burke)

  Swami Vivekananda in the West: New Discoveries

  His Prophetic Mission (vols. 1 and 2)

  The World Teacher (vols. 3 and 4)

  A New Gospel (vols. 5 and 6)

  Vedantic Tales

  Hari the Lion

  Swami Trigunatita: His Life and Work

  A Heart Poured Out: A Story of Swami Ashokananda

  Copyright © 2003 by Sister Gargi (Marie Louise Burke)

  Copyright @ 2004 by Kalpa Tree Press

  All rights reserved. With the exception of short excerpts for critical reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or any information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher. Write:

  Kalpa Tree Press

  65 East 96th Street, Suite 12D

  New York, NY 10128

  www.kalpatree.com

  Library of Congress Catalog Card Number: 2003107619

  The Library of Congress has catalogued the paperback as follows:

  Burke, Marie Louise, 1912–

  A disciple’s journal : in the company of Swami

  Ashokananda / Sister Gargi (Marie Louise Burke). — 1st ed. — New York :

  Kalpa Tree Press, 2003.

  p. cm.

  Includes index.

  LCCN 2003107619

  ISBN 0-9706368-2-2

  1. Burke, Marie Louise, 1912– 2. Ashokananda, Swami. 3. Ramakrishna Mission—Biography. 4. Vedanta Society—Biography. 5. Hindus—California—San Francisco—Biography. I. Title.

  BL1175.B875A3 2003 294.5’55’092

  QBI33-1439

  ISBN 978-0-9706368-5-0 (eBook)

  10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

  FIRST EDITION

  Designed by Fearn Cutler de Vicq

  CONTENTS

  Preface

  Cast of Characters

  Prologue

  1. Cartwheels

  1950–51

  2. A Hack Writer

  1952

  3. All in Good Time

  1953 ~ Early

  4. Swinging Up into Freedom

  1953 ~ Later

  5. Don’t Wobble!

  1954

  6. New Discoveries

  1955

  7. Balancing on a Rail

  1956

  8. Whew!

  1957 ~ Early

  9. Bonanza

  1957 ~ Later

  10. Fiasco

  1958 ~ Early

  11. Miltown

  1958 ~ Later

  12. Be Lions!

  1959 ~ Early

  13. Riches

  1959 ~ Later

  14. A Good Book

  The 1960s

  Epilogue

  List of Illustrations

  Photos

  Index

  PREFACE

  Even if the present reader does not normally read prefaces, he or she should probably read this one. The disciple in this book’s title never intended, or even dreamt, that her journal would one day be read by anyone other than her doting older self, so naturally she did not explain in it what she already knew. If, however, the reader is not familiar with the Vedantic tradition or has not read this book’s companion, A Heart Poured Out: A Story of Swami Ashokananda, he or she will need a little background information. In this case, read on.

  Swami Ashokananda (1893–1969) was a monk of the Ramakrishna Order in India. In 1931, when he was thirty-seven years old, he was asked by his monastic seniors to serve as assistant minister in the Order’s affiliated center in San Francisco. He arrived there July 4, 1931. The following year, because of the illness of the swami then in charge, Swami Ashokananda became the Society’s spiritual leader.

  The Vedanta Society of San Francisco was founded in 1900 by the renowned Swami Vivekananda (1863–1902), a direct disciple and chief apostle of Sri Ramakrishna (1836–86). The Society was housed in a temple built by Swami Trigunatita (another direct disciple of Sri Ramakrishna) in the Marina district of the city. Completed in 1908, the Temple was (and still is) a narrow, three-story frame building, Victorian in style, with towers on top that were primarily, but not incongruously, Hindu. When I knew it, the building’s ground floor consisted, front to back, of a small library-reading room, Swami’s office, and the Society’s “back office” at the end of the hall; beyond that, with its main entrance from the street, was a large auditorium that included the shrine. The second floor was given over to a monastery, and the third or top floor housed the quarters of the swami-in-charge. Although the Society was spiritually affiliated with the Ramakrishna Order in India, its membership was entirely American. It was regulated by the laws of California and was financially autonomous.

  I first came to the Vedanta Society’s Temple at the close of 1948. By that time Swami Ashokananda had expanded the work of the Society to include a center and temple in the city of Berkeley, across San Francisco Bay, and was developing a retreat on two thousand acres of rolling, wooded land he had bought in Olema, Marin County, across the Golden
Gate Bridge. Yet another center and temple were under construction in Sacramento, the capital city of California, and plans for a large new temple in San Francisco were being contemplated. The San Francisco Vedanta Society (by then named the Vedanta Society of Northern California) had about 150 members, most of whom worked for a living. After learning of the Society’s expansion, I wondered, indeed marveled at, how so much work could have been done by so small and modest a congregation.

  As I came to know Swami Ashokananda, the answer to that question became clear. Here was a man to whom the word impossible was anathema and whose character could be defined by the words faith, sacrifice, determination, and strength. Those qualities were, moreover, contagious; they entered into the heart of the membership and imbued it with the conviction that nothing—nothing—was impossible in the service of God. And thus everything was, of course, possible, despite the sometimes virulent opposition that Eastern religions came up against in the West during the first half of the twentieth century.

  Vedanta is not a proselytizing religion. It says what it has to say to whomever wants to listen, but it does not wave flags or blow trumpets. While its teachers know that its message is life transforming, they also know that very few people want their lives to be transformed—however miserable and painful those lives may be. When a person is ready for change, he or she will come to the right spiritual teacher in his or her own time and way. That is all. Vedantists believe that there is a sort of cosmic law about it and that the teacher will wait for the student to come of his or her own accord. When the student finally does come, generally the greeting is, “What took you so long?”

  Vedanta has been on this earth for thousands of years. It is the philosophical basis of Hinduism and, in its breadth and depth, encompasses all the great religions of the world. It was born in the forest retreats of ancient India, where sages and seers had retired to seek the utmost reality of existence. Now and then, one or another of those seers (rishis) would find through inward search what he (or sometimes she) sought and would proclaim that indescribable truth to his or her disciples in approximate words that could be easily memorized, for those were days before writing was known. A teacher’s terse revelations were collected and became known as the Upanishads, a Sanskrit word meaning, roughly, “a teaching given to one sitting near,” that is, to a disciple. The Upanishads form the last books of the Vedas, the earliest extant scriptures on earth. The Sanskrit word Vedanta means “the end of the Vedas”—“the end” in the sense of the culminating truths as well as the last books. Those Upanishads, or Vedantic, utterances have survived intact through millennia. So highly have they been revered in India that to change a single word would be sacrilege. India’s history is aglow with commentators on and teachers of the Upanishads, great shining souls who have realized the truths discovered and sung by the Vedic rishis and who have taught them to others with meticulous accuracy. Thus Vedanta has flowed in unbroken streams from teacher to disciple down through countless generations.

  In our own times, Sri Ramakrishna, an untutored priest and a disciple of an enlightened Vedantic monk, manifested in his life and words every aspect of Vedantic wisdom. He followed, one after another, each religious path that was known to him, and at the end of each he experienced the same essential truth—thus verifying once and for all the ancient Vedic saying: “Truth is one; sages call it by various names.” Christians, Muslims, and of course Hindus of various sects sat at his feet, as though at the feet of their own prophets and saviors, and there found the reality and the peace they sought.

  Sri Ramakrishna’s illustrious monastic disciple, Swami Vivekananda, was the first Hindu monk to bring Vedanta (which he equated with the universal message of his Master) to the West—not as a missionary, but as a teacher of spirituality. Swamiji (as Swami Vivekananda is usually called) came first to the Parliament of Religions, held in Chicago in 1893, and stayed for two or three years to lecture in America and England. Four of his brother disciples followed in his wake. Then, in the early decades of the twentieth century, came the next generation of monks, to which Swami Ashokananda belonged. Today there are thirteen Vedanta societies in America, many with retreats, and others throughout the world, each headed by a monk of the Ramakrishna Order.

  That is essentially what the reader needs to know. When I was a disciple of that great, powerful, and loving Swami, I kept an informal diary of the things he said and did, in order to pin them down for myself before the wind blew them away. That diary, A Disciple’s Journal, is not by any means a complete record; it is a sketchy reflection of my experience of a great man. Just the same, it rounds out the story that I tried to tell in A Heart Poured Out, my biography of Swami Ashokananda published earlier this year. My journal entries are like small details of a large canvas. They tell of magic days and years that once took place in this sorry world, days that will never return, never again in the same wonderful way. It was the Swami’s presence that gave them light and life—and if A Disciple’s Journal has captured even a little of that presence, it will have achieved much more than its author could have dreamt.

  I want particularly to give my thanks to the editor and publisher, Dr. Shelley Brown, whose expertise, know-how, hard work, and meticulous care gave these two books their shape and style. No amount of gratitude could ever balance those gifts; and for her laughter, continuing friendship, and loving encouragement, the very idea of thanks is absurd.

  Gargi

  San Francisco

  April 14, 2003

  CAST OF CHARACTERS

  We felt a warm and comfortable delight in being together—the women students of Swami Ashokananda. Whatever our ages or backgrounds, and they both ranged widely, there was a camaraderie between us that made any of our gatherings, large or small, seem like a reunion of compatriots in a foreign land, or, more to the point, a get-together of aliens on planet Earth. We spoke the same language, which was not understood in the slightest degree by our everyday associates; we used the same currency to assess the value of the things around us; and we understood not only why some things were valuable and others were not, but why some things were hilarious and others stupefyingly dull.

  Over and above these cultural likenesses, and perhaps at the root of them, was the fact that we loved the ideal of Vedanta with all our hearts and pursued it without compromise and without rivalry among ourselves. Swami Ashokananda’s teaching molded our lives and gave them meaning, and it was broad enough to encompass and sustain us all. Nothing needed to be said about belonging—one was either a dedicated worker of the Vedanta Society or one was not.

  It is true that the Society’s workers were appointed by Swami Ashokananda, but this happened only after their own inner drive and ability became apparent. An organization of energies formed as though by itself. Josephine Stanbury, for instance, oversaw all work connected with the altars (and was incidentally the Society’s treasurer); Anna Webster was in charge of the crew of women that worked at the retreat property at Olema, turning a virtual wilderness into something almost parklike; Edith Soulé, the Society’s secretary, took care of the office and all that that entailed; Mara Lane was the Society’s librarian; Helen Sutherland did the interior decorating of the temples under Swami Ashokananda’s direction; Nancy Jackman taught a class in Western philosophy; Kathleen Davis, one on the Gita; and Jeanette Vollmer, one on Sanskrit—and so it went.

  During the period covered by this journal, the Society’s workers formed a nucleus that seemed to have an evolving life of its own, a nucleus that could perpetuate itself from generation to generation. Each student in that nucleus had a voice, as though in a celestial choir, or, in Hindu terms, a role in a divine lila or divine play.

  I knew many of those workers very well and admired all of them. The glimpses I give of a few of them in this journal do not even faintly limn their extraordinariness—their strength, generosity, capacity to love, and burning loyalty to the ideals of Vedanta. They were very differe
nt one from another, and yet each was lit from within by the same steady glow. I cannot reproduce that glow, but at least I can tell very briefly who they were—those shining women (and two men) who enter the conversations in this journal, say a few words, and then disappear. Here are some thumbnail sketches to pin them down.

  ____________

  (First names in alphabetical order)

  Alfred T. Clifton (Swami Chidrupananda)

  From 1933, Al Clifton was Swami Ashokananda’s student and right-hand man, laboring with unwavering dedication at every task. Early on he joined the monastery in San Francisco, and he took sannyas (the final vows) in 1962. He served as the president of the Vedanta Society for many years.

  Ann Myren

  A high school teacher in the East Bay town of Richmond and later a teacher in Alameda Community College, Ann became Swami Ashokananda’s student in 1958. During the 1980s and 1990s, Ann was the president of the Vivekananda Foundation, which she co-founded to help spread Swami Vivekananda’s message.

  Anna Webster

  A forthright Bostonian, down to earth and extremely devoted, Anna was of great help in designing the altar for the New Temple. As the much loved, no-nonsense leader of the women’s work crew, Anna energetically drove a truck around the rugged acreage of the Vedanta Retreat at Olema.

  Bobbie Day

  A close friend of the author’s from high school days, Bobbie became interested in Vedanta and eventually, in the 1960s, took initiation from Swami Ashokananda.

  Dorothy Madison

  As a brilliant and dynamic high school teacher in the town of Richmond, Dorothy steered many students toward Vedanta. With Ann Myren, she was co-founder of the Vivekananda Foundation. A talented writer, she contributed a number of articles to the Ramakrishna Order’s journals.

  Dorothy Murdock (Pravrajika Madhavaprana)

  Dorothy came to Vedanta as a high school student, urged by Dorothy Madison. She later graduated from the University of California with a degree in history and taught in an East Bay middle school. She was a valued worker in the Berkeley Vedanta Society before she joined the San Francisco convent in 1962.